Well, I got the call... the one I was expecting but didn't want to get. My mom needs to either to have a companion with her or we need to move her into assisted living. My mother has dementia and it is progressing. We've been uneasily waiting for this day to come and it is now here.
The call came yesterday while I was on my lunch hour at work so I was able to take it. As would be expected, a myriad of questions and emotions filled my mind and heart and I found that I could think somewhat clearly but not enough to ask everything I needed to ask. That's what today is for... pulling myself together to handle everything that mom needs. Spending time on the phone with family and agencies has been draining but it is that season of life. Things are the way they are; it is what it is.
Many thoughts are going through my head regarding mom's care and making sure she is comfortable and secure in her surroundings. The last thing we all want is to make a decision that would disrupt her thinking to the point of making her worse. This 'between a rock and a hard place' is no fun. All of the options are costly and would change her life significantly. One of the main concerns is that she transitions effectively through this with as little disruption as possible. She still comprehends her situation to some degree and is aware of her surroundings. How does one tell their mother that she no longer can care for herself effectively and needs permanent help? I pray for grace to fill this situation and her comprehension will be sufficient for this change.
As with this change that life has brought, I am at a place of apprehension, doubt, and appreciation. Apprehension and doubt as to my ability (with family's help) to render the correct decision. This won't be apparent until the change is made. Appreciation for the years of having this time with mom before the inevitable happens. She will get worse, she will forget. It is hard to watch your mother become a child, to lose the ability to think and take care of herself. But at the same time, it is a privledge to honor her as she declines; to render her the dignity her life deserves.
So, in the meantime, I make the calls, talk with my sister and family members. We together try to grace mom with everything we can to give her a good life in these declining years. We'll pray for patience and wisdom as we care for her. We'll keep doing so until she departs. We don't know how long that will be but with our Lord's help, we can handle this life event and truly honor her until she arrives to glory.