Beauty and Stillness

It was such a lovely sunrise this morning.  Not one of those sunrises that makes you say, "Wow", but just a beautiful, subtle transition from dark to dusk to morning.  Watching the colors brighten and fade, making coffee, I thought of just how fortunate it is to be able to take the time to watch such beauty.  I just wanted to exist within it.  It was beautiful.  The day was dawning.  The day's pressures and plans would be upon me soon enough.  But for now, in the quiet and stillness of the morning, I was sitting with my coffee, reflecting on the beauty of the day's dawn.

It made me think of good days in the studio, when I can come to that place of stillness when working.  As of late, my process has been an emotional one, relying on painful emotions to create my work.  Stillness does exist within creating such work for pain is a part of every person's life at some point.  It is a part of this world.  So how does stillness come from after painting pain?  For me, it is a physical, mental, and spiritual place of being.  It is a release.  A release of grief, angst, sorrow.  This work may not be pretty but it is a expression of something very real.  It allows for me, as an artist, to dig deep and pull out what needs to be expressed on the canvas during this time.  It allows all of the crud to come out and be exposed for what it is.  Ironically, beauty exists within that expression.

That beauty exemplifies what it means for me to be human, to be fully human, with all of the emotions that I carry.  Difficult experiences, with all of the burdens, doubts, unknowings, experiences that drive me to seek refuge away from them, moves me towards an honest, relatable expression of those experiences. It is a hard place of beauty.  It is a hard place in stillness but beauty in sorrow allows active vulnerability with myself and with others.  It is a scary place to be but a necessary one if I want to connect with others.  That is where the beauty lies... the sharing of the deepest parts of the soul is an expression of the purest beauty.

So, I'll exist in this hard place of beauty.  I'll create the work and share it.  I will remain vulnerable and hopefully, it will speak and resonate with those who need it to speak to them. And hopefully, again, it will create a place of stillness.

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